Thinking of You
by Jenna822
Summary: *Song Fic - Katy Perry* Remus has attempted to move on with his life, but he can't stop thinking of his lost love. *Remus/Sirius* Cᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ.


**Thinking of You**

**.**

Remus Lupin stood in front of his bathroom mirror, looking down into his sink as he scrubbed roughly at his teeth. He squirted more paste onto his toothbrush and resumed the scrubbing, desperate to get the lingering taste of tequila, vomit and another man's spit from his mouth. He dropped the toothbrush into the sink and ran water over it, rinsing his mouth quickly. He looked up into the mirror and drug his hand through his shaggy, brown hair, frowning at his reflection. His eyes were red and still stinging from the heavy smoke in the bar he spent most of his night in. He splashed cold water onto his face and shook his head, trying to recall the night's events.

_Remus was sitting at the bar, working on his fourth beer. He followed it with three shots and turned to face the room, leaning back against the bar. His eyes scanned the room, searching over the faces. There was a man. He couldn't recall the face, but the man was blonde. _They were always blonde. He hated the idea of putting his fingers into the dark hair of anyone other than Sirius, that was just something he could not bare. _He approached the man, slowly at first, watching his eyes, his dark eyes. _The eyes were always dark. He would never stare into a set of eyes that reminded him of the ones he would never see again. _Remus smiled. _

_The man smiled back. Perhaps he knew exactly what Remus had in mind, for the man took him by the hand and pulled him to more secluded spot in the bar. Was it that obvious? Was the look on his face so clear that he needn't say a word? Perhaps it was, maybe his eyes were screaming for the physical contact of another. Maybe the man was one he had pursued before, one he had even taken home for a shag. It didn't matter. He allowed the man's arms to wrap around him and pull their lips together. "No names," the man whispered. _That answered the question. He had taken this man home before. No names. No faces. No future. That was what Remus wanted.

He could remember flashes of the rest. _There were more shots. _There was always more shots. _He kept the man held in his arms, unwilling to release his catch until he had finished with him. They would go into the street and stumble back to Remus' house. _There were occasions that Remus preferred to simply take his company into the bathroom. Fuck him senseless in the stall and leave him there to waste away, but this was not one of those occasions. _There was the door. There was the bed. There was a frantic struggle to rid each other of clothes. Then...there was the sex._

How often Remus had stood in front of that mirror and wondered if the sex had even been worth the money of shots. Had he even came? He wasn't sure, he was never sure. Only his sore muscles could tell him this morning whether he had even been on top or bottom. _Bottom. He had certainly been on bottom. Hot breath on the back of his neck. The sickening smell of tequila and peppermint. _Why did he even bother? Nothing takes away that smell. _His hands gripped onto the pillow. His feet struggled to find hold on the bed under him. The man spoke, though the words were now lost to him._ His body was sticky. His stomach bore the proof... he had came last night.

_comparisons are easily done_

_once you've had the taste of perfection_

_like an apple hanging from a tree_

_I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed_

Remus pulled over a towel and patted his face dry, feeling sick at the sight of his own reflection. He dashed through a shower and dried off, leaving the towel around his shoulders as he pulled on a pair of boxers. He tossed the towel down onto his bathroom counter and shivered as a large spider crawled across it. He turned away and stepped into the bedroom, avoiding casting a glance at his bed, knowing that the figure laying in it was not one who's face he wanted to see. He kept his back to the bed as he pulled out a pair of jeans and stepped into them, then finished off with a button up, blue shirt.

"_You should wear blue more often, Moony. It goes with your eyes."_

He shed the blue shirt, tossing it across the room into the rubbish bin, then replaced it with a red one. He hurried from the room, not caring about the chill of the floor against his bare feet. He fixed himself a cup of tea and sat down at the kitchen counter.

"_You can't actually be planning on staying here, Moony." Sirius shook his head and leaned against the kitchen counter. "This place is a dump. I don't care if your grandparents left it to you, you aren't staying in a run down house."_

"_Not all of us have dead wealthy relatives, Sirius," Remus spat in his direction and pulled open one of the kitchen cabinets. "It isn't so -" He didn't bother finishing his sentence when the cabinet door came off in his hand. "I can fix that," he muttered, putting the door on the counter._

_Sirius walked over and wrapped his arms around Remus from behind, hugging him over his waist and chest. "You aren't living here. You are going to come stay with me. I want you there. I want to have you close to me." _

_Remus snorted a laugh and turned in Sirius' arms, putting his own around the man's neck. "I guess it would be easier to get into my pants if they were in the same room as you." He smiled and licked over his lips._

"_Sure helped at school," Sirius said with playful growl as he lowered his lips onto Remus' neck._

Remus sighed and sipped at his tea, listening close for any stirring in the bedroom. He kept his feet up on the rung of the bar stool at his counter, tired of the cold that was shooting through his legs. He cursed himself for not having sense to carpet the place. Hardwood floors in February. Genius.

_you said move on, where do I go_

_I guess second best is all I will know_

Remus dropped his cup into the sink and headed back into the bedroom. He pulled on his socks and shoes, still refusing to look over at his bed. He could hear the man rolling over in the bed, followed by a yawn and a groan. "I'm going out. I'll be back in a few hours," Remus began.

"Don't be here when you get back," the man finished, as though he knew what Remus was going to say.

"_I'm going out. I'll be back in a few hours. Don't be here when I get back." How many times had Remus given that speech? He couldn't be sure. He used the same words every time. There wasn't a point in changing the routine. It was his routine. He liked his routine. It was safe._

"There is tea in the cabinet. Help yourself." Remus brushed his fingers down through his hair and headed for the bedroom door, pulling on his coat.

The man cleared his throat. "You forgot to tell me there isn't anything worth stealing."

"_I would tell you not to steal anything from me before you leave, but there isn't anything worth stealing." How many times had he brought this man home with him? He needed to start hitting different bars. _

"There isn't," Remus said, dryly as he hurried out of his house and onto the frozen streets of London. He kept his hands down in his pockets, one clutched around his wand, as he walked.

_Dumbledore stood in front of a small group of Order members. "Never take your hand off your wand. You are never safe in these times. Voldemort and his followers will not hesitate to take you out just because you are in a bookstore or having lunch with your children. Keep yourself ready."_

Constant Vigilance. That is what Alastor Moody would have said.

Voldemort had fallen over eight years ago, but Remus never let go of his training. His followers were still out there. Many of them had gone free from offering up each other. There was no telling how many he had that no one knew about. After all, if he was foolish enough not to know that the man who's bed he was sharing was working for a force of evil, he couldn't be sure of anything.

Remus pulled open the door to the Leaky Cauldron and shook the cold from his body. He poured himself into a table nearest the fire place and stared into the flames, watching them dance inside their home. He ordered up a bowl of oatmeal and some toast, then kicked back in his chair, waiting. A figure sat down across the table from him and reached across, rubbing the man on his shoulder.

"You look awful, Remus," Dumbledore said as he drew his hand back. "You can't keep on like this, it's going to kill you. The drink alone is going to make you sick, that doesn't include the...men."

"It isn't your business." Remus gave a cold glare over at Dumbledore and nodded to the server as she brought his breakfast. "Now, if you are done trying to butt into my life, I am trying to eat."

"I'm just trying to help you," Dumbledore said, gently.

Remus dropped his spoon loudly against the table and leaned forward, his eyes flashing in anger. "Trying to help me? Where was your damn help when James needed it? Where was your infinite wisdom when Siri-" He cut himself off, unable to say the name. He shook his head and pushed the bowl away from him.

_'cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you_

_(thinking of you, thinking of you)_

_thinking of you, what you would do_

_if you were the one who was spending the night_

_(spending the night, spending the night)_

_oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes_

"_Moony! Moony! Get in here, I need you," Sirius yelled from inside the bedroom. "Hurry!"  
><em>

_Remus rolled his eyes and marked his page in his book before closing it and dropping it down onto the coffee table. He got off the couch and walked into the bedroom, grinning. "What is it?" he asked, leaning on the door frame and eying Sirius, who was sitting on the edge of the bed._

"_Come here," Sirius whined, curling his finger for Remus to come over. He raised his eyebrows and pouted his lips at the other man. "I need you."_

"_You need me?" Remus repeated in a teasing tone as he slowly walked towards the bed. "What do you need me for?" he asked as he came to a stop in front of Sirius and looked down at him._

"_For this." Sirius reached out and grabbed onto Remus' waist, pulling him down on top of him. He reached up and pushed one behind Remus' neck and brought him down into a deep kiss. He moved his other arm around the man's waist and held their bodies together. _

_Remus whimpered into the kiss and pushed his hands up into Sirius' hair, tangling his fingers around the black strands. He pushed his hips down sharply against Sirius' and let a low growl escape his chest. He moved his hands down and swiftly rid Sirius of his shirt. Sirius pushed up against Remus and pulled at the hem of his shirt, forcing it over his head despite his protest. _

"_Moony, you're the sexiest man I've ever set eyes on. Your scars are part of you and I love them," Sirius whispered as his lips trailed across Remus' chest, lingering on the deep scars that graced it. He wrapped his arms around the man's back and brought him back down on top of him, lifting his hips in anticipation. "I need you, Remus," he hissed._

_Remus dipped his head and sunk his teeth into the soft of Sirius' neck, smiling against his skin as he heard the man cry out. He licked over the fresh bite mark and sucked at his flesh, eagerly. His hands dipped between them and he unfastened the button and zipper of Sirius' pants, using his feet and legs to push the pants off of Sirius' body. _

_Sirius moaned into the air and dove his hands into Remus' pants. He freed the button and pushed them down over his hips, allowing them to rest against the man's knees on the bed. He hooked his legs around Remus' back, used his hand to guide the other man towards him and called his name out when he thrust against him. He drug his nails roughly down Remus' back and panted as the man moved his lips back onto his own._

_Remus thrust against Sirius, keeping their mouths held together in a heated, passionate kiss. He kept one hand wound tightly into the man's hair and the other moved between their bodies, giving the same pleasure to his lover that he was getting from him. Sirius whined loudly and pulled his lips free from Remus' ravishing. He cried out the man's name and begged him to move according to his wishes._

_Remus did as the other man called out and soon they were both collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily, with sweat pouring from every place possible. Remus rolled onto his side and pushed a strand of soaked hair from Sirius' eyes, smiling lovingly at him. He laid one arm around the man's waist and pressed his face into his neck, not caring about the damp. He breathed in his lover, his best friend._

_you're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter_

_like a hard candy with a surprise center_

_how do I get better once I've had the best_

_you said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test_

Remus sat at his favorite bar, leaned forward on it, one late night in April. He held a beer between his hands and kept throwing glances at the shot waiting to be had after the beer was finished. He drained his glass, quickly, desperate to get to the harder stuff. His fingers closed around the tiny glass and he started to lift it to his lips. A hand appeared, forming a barrier between the glass and his mouth. He looked up at the offender and dimly recognized the face of the blonde man with dark eyes and a strong set jaw.

"What do ya say we skip that part tonight?" the man asked, pulling the shot from Remus' hand. "If we skip the drinking, then I can Apparate you back to my place." He brushed his fingers down Remus' arm and pursed his lips, ignoring the disgusted looks he was receiving from some near-by patrons.

"A-A-Apparate? You're a..." Remus swallowed hard and reached for his shot again, but the man slid it from his reach.

"You really don't know." The man shook his head and smiled at Remus. "I was a year ahead of you, same house and all." He trailed his fingertips over Remus leg and cast a look towards the door. "I guess I'm not surprised that you would never notice me then. Back at school, you only had eyes for Black." He moved the shot out of Remus' reach once more and shook his head. "You don't need that to forget him. I can help you forget."

Remus held out his hand and allowed the blonde man to take it. He followed in silence as he was led from the bar and into the alley. He hung his head when the man wrapped his arms around him and tried not to hurl as the sensation of being Apparated washed over him. He didn't allow his eyes to wander as he was led through a large apartment and towards a bed. The man turned and pulled him against his body.

"Do you remember my name yet?" the man whispered. When Remus shook his head, he brushed his fingers through the man's hair. "Do you want to know it?" As Remus shook his head once more, the man smirked and trailed his hands down his chest. "Suit yourself, Lupin." He wrapped his arms around Remus' waist and covered his mouth with his own.

"_Remus, you're fifteen and you've never kissed a girl? That is crazy. You've had three girlfriends," Sirius said, his eyes wide with amazement, as he sat down on Remus' bed and looked over at him._

_Remus shrugged and crossed his legs in front of him. "I know, but I haven't kissed any of them. I guess I just want it to be...special."_

_Sirius bit down on his bottom lip and shifted towards Remus on the bed. "Special?"_

"_Yeah, special. I want it to be with someone that I really like. Someone that I can't keep my eyes off of." Remus blushed, as he was currently staring straight at his best friend. He dropped his head towards his lap and cut his eyes back up at Sirius._

_Sirius shifted closer to Remus once more and smiled down at him. "Someone like me?" he asked, his eyes hopeful and wide. He licked over his lips and reached forward, placing his hand under Remus' chin. "Answer me. Do you want your first kiss to be someone like me?"_

"_No," Remus answered. "I don't want my first kiss to be someone like you." He swallowed hard and looked into the grey of Sirius' eyes. "I want my first kiss to be you." He rubbed his lips together and parted them slightly, his heart starting to race in his chest._

_Sirius smiled and shifted once more, bringing himself right against Remus. "Then lean forward, Moony."_

"_Are you going to kiss me, Sirius?"_

"_Yes. I am."_

Remus felt the blonde man's breath across his neck and the bed against his stomach. His shirt still clung tightly to his body, but his jeans were in a crumpled heap on the floor next to the bed. Strong hands were gripped over his hips, holding him firm in place. His face turned towards the pillow and his eyes stung with tears. At that moment, he wished his own death.

_Sirius pushed one hand through Remus hair as they laid down on the boy's bed. "Are you sure about this, Moony?" he asked, smiling and scooting against him._

"_I'm sure. I love you and I...want...you," Remus said, blushing brightly and turning his face into the pillow. _

_Sirius smiled and pressed his lips against Remus' neck. "I love you, too, Moony." He forced him onto his back and looked down into the boy's eyes. He moved his hand gently over the boy's face and leaned over, kissing his lips with a loving tenderness. "This is going to be nice. I swear." He brushed his hand over Remus' shoulder and down his arm, locking their fingers together. "I'll take care of you, Moony."_

_he kissed my lips, I taste your mouth_

_(taste your mouth)_

_he pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself_

"The offer still stands, Remus." Dumbledore smiled over at Remus and clapped him on the shoulder. "You've been staying sober?"

"Three years, nine months, four days." Remus nodded and raised his glass of orange juice, toast style. "I really appreciate you giving me this chance, I know I don't deserve it."

Dumbledore shook his head and frowned. "You do deserve it, Remus Lupin. You are a good man who has been through awful things."

"You mean who has done awful things." Remus dropped his eyes down towards the table. "I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can go back to the place where..."

Dumbledore stood up and looked down at Remus. "What if I promised you that by this time next year, you would be a much happier man?"

"You can promise that?" Remus snorted into his glass. "Alright, if you can promise, then I agree. I'll do it."

"Fantastic. See you in two weeks...Professor Lupin," Dumbledore said, taking his leave of the Leaky Cauldron.

Remus scoffed at the monicker and turned his attention back to his juice. He sipped at it and tried not to let his eyes focus on the wanted poster behind the bar.

"Professor Lupin? I take it that you've accepted Dumbledore's job offer." The blonde man dropped himself onto the stool that was just vacated by the elderly wizard and turned towards Remus, putting his hand on his lower back.

Remus nodded and put his hand between his eyes and the offending poster. "I have to do something. I'm beyond broke."

The man leaned closer to Remus and pressed their foreheads together. "I already told you that you could come live me. I won't get to see you anymore if you rush off to Hogwarts." He pushed his hand through Remus' hair and pressed his lips to him gently.

"Sure you will," Remus said, leaning back away from him. "The gig is only for a year, plus I'll come back on the holidays. It will be fine." He sounded more uncaring than confident.

The two men walked silently back to the blonde's apartment. No sooner than they were through the door, Remus felt arms close tightly around his waist. He closed his eyes and pictured the face from the wanted poster.

"Fuck me," Remus whispered, imagining the grey eyes of his lost lover. "Now."

The man smiled and pushed Remus into the bedroom, knocking him back onto the bed. He made quick work of unbuttoning Remus' shirt. _"I love you, Moony, even your scars." _Remus reached out and pulled the shirt from the other man, tossing it onto the floor beside the bed. He lifted his hips and whimpered with want. Two hands slid down his sides, freeing him of his pants. _Sirius drug his hands roughly down Remus' sides, freeing him of his pants and tossing them behind him with a playful growl. "Damn it, Remus Lupin, you are absolutely irresistible."_

_Remus looked up into Sirius' eyes and gave him a sneaky smile. _"Show me how much you adore me," he growled, twisting his fingers into the man's blonde hair and pushing his head down towards his waist.

The man nodded and licked over his lips, gently pulling back Remus' boxers to reveal him. _Sirius made a pleased moan at seeing how excited Remus was and took him into his hands. "Tell me what you want from me, my love." _

"You know what I want. Just do it." Remus tightened his hold in the man's hair and pushed on is head, eager for release. He lifted his hips and growled angrily. "Fuck, just do it!"

_Sirius growled back and smiled up at the squirming man in his hands. "I love it when you get bossy." He leaned in and took Remus into his mouth, moving over him with care. _Remus cried out loudly and twisted his hands up into the bed sheets under him. He bucked his hips and thrust himself further into the other man. His eyes grew fuzzy and he screamed out with his release. The man smiled down at Remus, pleased with his performance.

Remus felt as the man moved to lay beside him and threw his arm over his waist. "Is it my turn?" he asked, kissing Remus' neck. When Remus nodded, he pressed hard into his side. "I love you."

"I love you too, Sirius."

Within an instant, Remus' blonde lover had shoved him out of the bed and was glaring down at him. "Damn it, Remus! You swore to me that you were over him. I want you out of here. I'm not going to keep on with you when all you ever do is think about that murdering son of a bitch!"

_'cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you_

_(thinking of you, thinking of you)_

_thinking of you, what you would do_

_if you were the one who was spending the night_

_(spending the night, spending the night)_

_oh, I wish that I was looking into_

Sirius sat at Remus' kitchen counter, his hands shaking and his face hollow. "I can't believe that you moved back into this place, Moony. You could have stayed at the apartment. Your name was on the papers too. You were part owner."

"And see our memories scattered everywhere? No thanks." Remus dropped a plate of pancakes angrily in front of Sirius and turned his back to him, folding his arms over his chest. "I woulda drank myself to death having to live in that place."

Sirius pushed the plate away and narrowed his eyes at the back of Remus' head. "From what I've heard, you did a fine job going at that without my apartment to blame."

"Excuse me?" Remus asked, turning back around to face Sirius with a look of disdain on his face. "What exactly have you heard while you were rotting away in Azkaban?" he asked, a sneer on his lips. "Hmm? What news of my drinking reaches the ears of the man that thought me guilty of being a spy for Voldemort?"

Sirius hung his head and closed his eyes. "I have heard things since I got out. You'd be amazed how people don't mind gossiping around an animal." He rubbed at his face and cut his eyes back up at Remus. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Were you drinking a lot after I went away?" Sirius asked, tears gracing the bottom of his eyes.

Remus nodded, defiantly, daring Sirius to say a word against it. "I was in pain. Drinking made me numb." He shoved the plate back in front of Sirius and focused his eyes on the counter.

Sirius poked at the pancakes and touched Remus' hand. "Is the rest true? The part about you... sleeping around. Did you really hook up with men you didn't even know?"

Remus exhaled sharply through his nose and turned his back to Sirius. "Just eat your damn dinner and don't speak to me."

"It is true," Sirius whispered. He shoved the plate away and put his hand over his stomach. "I don't have an appetite now, thank you," he spat, climbing off of the stool and walking out of the kitchen.

Remus flared his nostrils and chased after Sirius, pushing his hands hard into the man's back and knocking him to the ground. "Who the fuck are you to judge me?" he screamed, pointing his finger down at Sirius. "I was alone! I was alone and lost and sick at the thoughts of what you had done!" He reached down and grabbed Sirius by his shirt, lifting him to his feet. He shoved him back against the wall and stared into his eyes with anger. "You betrayed me and I was alone. How dare you judge my behavior in response to that?"

Sirius closed his hands around Remus' wrists and squeezed his eyes shut, allowing the tears to pour free down his cheeks. "I'm s-sorry," he choked out, sliding against the wall until he was sitting in the floor, pulling Remus down along with him. "I'm so sorry, Moony," he cried out. He released his hold on the other man and wiped at his face with no avail to ridding it of tears.

Remus sat back on the floor and pulled his knees to his chest, looking over at Sirius with tears forming in his own eyes.

"So, you belong to him now?" Sirius whispered, his words almost fearful. "The blonde guy with the fancy suits. You're his?"

"I was for a while. Though I can't say I was ever truly his. There wasn't a time that I closed my eyes and didn't see you." Remus drug his hand back through his hair and scooted closer to Sirius. He rested his hand on the side of the man's sunken face and forced him to look up. "How could I ever truly belong to anyone but you?"

Sirius reached up and pulled Remus' hand from his face. His mind was swimming with the reality of his absence. How many men had taken his place in Remus' life? How many had taken his place in Remus' bed? How many? "How many?" he asked in a whisper.

"I don't know," Remus answered, dropping his eyes to the floor.

"Don't know or won't tell?"

"Don't know."

Sirius hung his head and drug his hands back through his hair. "I love you, Remus, but I can never look at you the same again."

_you're the best, and yes, I do regret_

_how I could let myself let you go_

_now, now the lesson's learned_

_I touched and I was burned_

_oh, I think you should know_

Remus let out a loud groan as he opened his eyes to the brightness of his bedroom. His head was throbbing and he felt as though his stomach was on fire. He rubbed at his eyes and pulled the pillow over his face, blocking out the light. His mouth was dry and sticky, not to mention filled with an all too familiar taste. Five years it had been since he had that taste in his mouth, but he knew it instantly. The taste of tequila, vomit and...another man's mouth. His head raced with the memories of the night before.

_Remus had walked out of the house at Sirius' words. He couldn't stay in the same house with the man who had just said that to him. _"I love you, Remus, but I can never look at you the same again." _He had gone outside and headed mindlessly down the streets near his house. _Perhaps his feet knew him so well, he didn't have to direct them. _His feet carried him along until he found himself standing in front of his formerly favorite bar. He walked inside. "Hey, Lupin. Word around was that you sobered up."_

Leave it to the bartender to recognize his miserable face and announce his presence to the room. _"Would I be here if I was?" he asked, bitterly. He sat down. He remember there was a few beers and a boy...a blonde boy...sitting down the bar... staring. He barely noticed when the boy moved to sit beside him. "Hello, Professor." _Professor? Remus was certain he wouldn't have to hear that again. Guess he was wrong. _He eyed the boy with wonder. "You probably don't recognize me. I was always in the back, kinda quiet." _Yes, now he recalled. Smart boy. Sixth year. _"No, I recognize you. What are you doing in here?"_

Not the kind of question that a sober Remus Lupin would have asked of a boy who had to be at least half his age. _"I'm celebrating my seventeenth birthday," the boy answered. _Exactly half his age, in fact. _Things were a bit blurry after that. There was a round of shots, followed by another and another after that. _Honestly, by this point Remus had completely lost count. _"Why are you celebrating alone?" he asked of the boy. "I'm always alone," came the answer. _Another groan escaped Remus' throat as he recalled the next thing to come out of his mouth. _"In a place like this, with a face like that, you won't be alone for long." _Seventeen. At least he wasn't adding seducing minors to his list of disgusting behavior.

_There was a graze of a hand and a moment of locked eyes. Next memory on recall was standing against the boy inside a cramped stall inside the bathroom. _"I love you, Remus..." _There was a kiss. There was a very heated kiss. Bodies pressed hard against the side of the stall. _"...but I can never look at you the same again." _His hands were inside the boy's pants and his lips were pressed to the boy's neck. "I won't be thinking about you when I cum," he whispered. _At least he was being honest with the boy. _"I don't care who you think about." _Perfect. _The boy's hand was plunged inside of Remus' pants and they moved their hands in sync. _It wasn't enough. A simple hand job had never been enough for Remus.

_Remus was on his knees. _He wasn't quite sure of when or how he had gotten there. _He had the boy in his mouth. It didn't last long. _How could such a young and naive boy think he could withstand someone of such experience? _There was reciprocation. The inexperience was too much to handle. Remus didn't have the patience to teach the boy how to properly get him off with his mouth. He brought him to his feet and turned him around, forcing him against the wall of the stall. _The boy had said 'yes' to Remus' request at fucking him. Certainly he had. _His fingers were inside of him. "You want me to give you a proper lesson in how to please a man like me?" Remus had asked. _

Why couldn't he remember the answer? The answer had to have been 'yes', otherwise there would have been no sex. _He was rough with the boy. Perhaps too much so. _It was a 'yes'. Right? Remus flung the pillow from his face and spilled himself out of the bed, crawling into the bathroom. He clung to the side of the toilet for at least a good half hour. _There had been tears. Remus had cried as he came._

_'cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you_

_(thinking of you, thinking of you)_

_thinking of you, what you would do_

_if you were the one who was spending the night_

_(spending the night, spending the night)_

_oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes_

_looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes_

Sirius knelled down beside Remus and handed him a wet wash cloth to wipe away the sick from his mouth. He brushed his hand back through Remus' hair and looked at him with a mix of anger and pity. He locked their eyes and shook his head. "Never go there again."

Remus shook his head and wiped at his face. "I won't," he whispered.

"No more drinking. At all. Not a drop."

"Not a drop."

"I'm an idiot."

Remus choked out a sob and doubled over into the floor, clutching his arm around his stomach. He buried his face in his hands and cried into them, loudly. "I screwed up," he coughed out. "I did something awful last night."

"Shut up!" Sirius reached out and grabbed Remus by his face, forcing him to look up at him. "I know exactly what you did last night, Remus." He smoothed back the man's hair and tightened his jaw. "I was waiting for you when you came in and you told me everything."

Remus closed his eyes and got onto his hands and knees, crawling over into Sirius' lap. Sirius wrapped his arms around the man and put his mouth next to his ear. "No more mistakes."

"No more mistakes," Remus repeated.

"No more anger, no more pain."

"No more."

"I love you, Remus. I'm not going to leave you again. I'm here. I'm right here and I'm staying here." Sirius rocked the man in his arms, gently and hummed to him, waiting for his sickness to pass.

_oh, won't you walk through_

_and burst in the door and take me away_

_oh, no more mistakes_

_'cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay_


End file.
